We’ve been together a long time, in fact you’ve been around as long as I can remember. You strangled me as a child, keeping me no further than arms length from my poor mother, who otherwise had to put up with my relentless screams. You haunted my childhood, making all of my ‘firsts’, from day at school to spelling test, a living nightmare. You lingered during school excursions, dance concerts, music performances, sleepover parties, holidays away. You heightened when I began high school, experiencing all new ‘firsts’ again, but this time with less moral support as I was expected to behave more independent. You created a whole new world of worries involving popularity, social groups, clothing trends, friendships and fitting in, which no matter how hard I tried you would never let go of. You wouldn’t allowed me to fully trust anyone, making it difficult to ever make good friends. You made me hide in the toilets during lunch times to prevent having to face the crowded hectic school ground. You then escalated in my senior years. The more tests, assignments and exams, the more distress, insomnia and tears. I was rewarded for my successes and hard work with awards, yet you still made me feel guilty and inadequate. You made me devote every second of my free time to study, convincing me I was never going to be good enough. And when I passed with flying colours, you still managed to pull me down to a level you felt I deserved.
For a long time I’ve been angry and upset about how you controlled my life, however I’ve come to realise now just why you did everything you did - you were trying to keep me safe. And after all these years, I’m finally ok with that. I’m learning now how we can work together to create the best possible outcome, even if I sometimes still end up running away or crying in a puddle of tears. You’ve shown me that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. You’ve made me braver, more aware and more empathetic. And for this, thank you.
To us ♥️ #anxiety