Everyone has that one secret that would break your heart..
And this is mine..
For so long I’ve kept up this image of this happy, bubbly girl who greets everyone with the biggest smile - in public, through my pictures, and my social medias. A facade, a mask i’ve worn to hide what’s truly underneath.
I’m being murdered by my own mind. A prisoner of anxiety, a slave of depression, overcomed by self-destructive tendencies. I can’t even begin to explain the amount of pain, the unspeakable experiences that lead me to this. Sadly, as this darkness drowns me, my monster knows how to swim. Im not living, I’m waiting, & I dont know what exactly for. Like a ghost in shell. I bleed for many reasons. I bleed to feel anything else but what im feeling inside. I bleed to feel a sense of calm. I bleed to cut the monsters out of me. I bleed to make myself feel somewhat “alive”. As sad as it sounds, sometimes i think im only alive because people want me alive. &thats a battle that im constantly fighting. My scars arent just a sign of my weakness, it’s a sign of survival. There is beauty within all this darkness, and that beauty is that im still here, even if im fighting day by day, breath by breath, i am still here. Breathing, smiling, laughing, even if its forced or fake. I’m a lost soul finding her way back. &for those of you who can relate to this, im not going to bullshit you and say itll get easier, its going to be a battle, and these battles only turns you into the warrior that you are. & you may feel like youre alone in all this but you are not. Look deeply in everyone’s eyes and see who they truly are. You never really know who needs help. I am not proud of what I did to myself, but the scars they left show me that I survived my battle, and that’s what makes me proud, I survived.