Get your popcorn 🍿I know some of you have been asking about my eating disorder, well I feel more ready to talk about it than I will probably for a while. ➡️ I wasn't ready to eat yet, I still wanted to starve and lean out my body, and work out 3 hrs a day. The day I found out I was pregnant the first thought I had "oh god I'm not ready to eat how am I going to starve. I'm not ready for this" then the next thought "don't be selfish, this is your FIRST BABY." Over the years I was practicing how to eat as little as possible, and to this day I am still learning how to pack an adequate lunch. Prior to pregnancy, 1 apple for lunch. 8 weeks pregnant, 2 apples or as my fiancé can recall, always forgetting it. This horrible practice of eating carried on until about a few weeks ago, and I'm now almost 17 weeks pregnant. Forcing recovery will be the best thing that has ever happened to me, it has also been the absolute worst nightmare of my life. Learning how to eat properly has been the most exhausting part of this whole pregnancy. At this point of my pregnancy my eating disorder is not nearly as demanding, but depression has taken its place and having thoughts I never thought I would have again, scary thoughts of postpartum and life after that. On the bright side of all of this I have finally talked to my doctor and was recommended a list of counselors, therapists, and psychiatrists. So yes, I will be getting help. I have this idea in my head that my baby will be know me, and not my depression, nor my eating disorder. I want a life for my baby that I didn't have and that starts with getting help.